We feel the current situation can no longer continue unremarked. We have tried to cohabit peacefully, but your behavior speaks of a singular lack of regard for our needs, or, indeed, the reality of our shared situation.
First, has word not spread to you of the fate of your friend, or perhaps cousin, at the paws of Sophie, a.k.a. The Bunny-nator? Images of her rabbit-blood-stained teeth should be part of your genetic memory by now. Her unerring sense of smell and eagle-eye can detect your kith and kin no matter how well you may think you have hidden evidence of your trespass. Her lightning-fast reflexes are challenged only by your own procreative powers. You are no match for her on the field of battle. Her assistant, Isabel–The Huntress– has carried rabbits by the scruff far distances, sending them back to the warren with cautionary messages, apparently to no avail.
Next, if you must venture into our yard, please respect the work we have put into our tomato plants. We wouldn’t begrudge you the occasional tomato. Truly. But this taking a single bite of a green tomato, then remembering you don’t like them must stop. If you take a bite, we really must insist that you eat the whole thing. We are beginning to be quite sympathetic to Mr. McGregor’s plight and see his point of view more clearly.
Finally, for those of you inexplicably drawn to our yard, the least you can do is stay off the patio! I hope this has cleared up our stance on these matters so that we can enjoy a more neighborly relationship in the future.
Carl and Tracey Rains